Again?What Do You Mean I Fall In Love Again?

"I Just Fall in Love Again" is a song written by Larry Herbstritt.....But can you just simply "fall in love again?" Does one really want to???? They say we usually fall in love with those who match a list that is stored in our minds. I honestly believe that over the years and as we interact with life we start to form a list of the items that should be present in the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. This list is the key factor that makes us fall in love with someone and not another person. Our culture, our society, our past experiences, our childhood experiences, our relationship with our friends and our relationship with our parents shapes this list until it contains the code that can make "us" love a certain person.

I recently read that If someone fell in love with you once, even for a few moments, then this means that you have already matched their "subconscious criteria." If this is true, then a person will never fall in love with you if you didn’t match their "subconscious criteria". So basically, if it happened once that you bypassed their filters and met their criteria then you can always make them fall in love with you again. But what if it is you that do not feel like entagling your current life-style with all that comes with being in love???? The only way that a person who is "unwilling" to fall in love again is to re-invent this part of their desire. I guess, I, you, we, would have to first recognize the need to even love again. If we can allow ourselves to remember that loving others is one of the most basic needs of human existence and without love, life is meaningless (even if our current single life options are occasionally appetizing:)).

But seriously, I think that you just gotta love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more likely you are to attract a person who is emotionally healthy. If you go out looking for love to fill a hole in your heart, then you are much more likely to attract someone who wants to take advantage of you. However, if you come from the perspective of having lots of love to give, then you will attract a similar person. Let the love come to you. AND definately don’t go out looking for “Mr. or Ms. Right” in places where singles congregate, bars, clubs, etc, because we "all" know the only thing you should take from that interaction is a "FWB", HeeHee. Just life according to SoRare...LOL

Breaking It Off! So Hard To Do!

On February 13, 2011, YourTango celebrated their very first annual Break Up With Your Ex Day, a day on which they urged people to let go of awkward and sometimes painful memories, insidious social media connections and dead-weight relationship baggage in an attempt to move on in both love and life. But is this to say that returning to an ex-partner, ex-lover, ex-spouse repeatedly Karma or a sign of weakness? I firmly believe that people do not just stop 'being in love'.......nor do they 'fall out of love' as if they were changing channels on the television. Loving emotions cannot be turned off like that. Love is a deep, lasting emotion that can withstand betrayal, hurt, anger, fear, and confusion and unfortunately, love can also be denied, subdued, or buried so deep in our psyche that it is not felt and unacknowledged. But it is still there and it CAN resurface again, and again, GEESH!!!

When a person returns to an ex-partner, ex-lover or ex-spouse, it doesn't necessarily have to have anything at all to do with karma. It is not always a sign of weakness. Some of these people are stronger for the return. (It actually depends on the situation.) Some of them truly are weak. (This also depends on the situation.) There are so many problems associated with returning time and again to the same old, same old. When nothing has changed between you, why keep going back to the same thing that was not satisfying the first, second, or even third time around?

Life is truly like a river. And as stated in all philosophies, you can not step into the river twice in the same place. It is ever moving, ever changing. It is an indication of our own human nature, that we, too, are ever changing. So if relationships are changing, why would anyone be stuck to the same old person, place, thing? The reasons I am sure are many when we try to justify our behavior but come down to one thing only: The fears we hold of moving on. We are stuck in fear and can not enjoy the adventure and fun of looking beyond what we already know. Perhaps it is 'rather the devil I know, than the one I don't know' attitude that keeps us stuck in the old, tried and usually, failed love(s) past rather than moving onward and upward. I honestly feel that if someone does not like me for who I am, then it is their loss, not mine. I am special, with all the good, the bad, the ugly that is me, accept it or move on. This is a very powerful energy to get a hold on and keep it growing. So the truly real feelings that keep us coming back time and again have nothing to do with any preconceived ideas such as karma, but more to do with our own fears.


Paul Simon says there are fifty ways to it. I imagine there are probably fifty-thousand ways to it. But when it comes to leaving your lover for good, one thing's for certain: it's never easy. One thing for sure is, you have got to get clear. Off-again on-again relationships are dramatic and draining for both parties involved. Are you ready to break up once and for all or simply in need of a little space to sort out your feelings? If you are living together, then space can be evasive, but I encourage anyone in this situation, to get their independence back to the forefront as if your life depends on it...Because remaining in a situation because of lack of preparation, just leads to degradation of the soul....Or just follow this “exit strategy” of Paul Simon 50 ways To Leave Your Lover (for good)....LOL.

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free!!!
Until then, leave everyone else alone, or someone is bound to be a casualty of “your” war!

It Is All About The "Fling"....

Just like that timeless karaoke favorite, “Summer Nights,” it seems that the summer fling has become a rite of passage for some of us, either just because we are on vacation, or taking a vacation at home away from, well hell, ourselves...,LOL. Anything is possible when your single and bored, lets not forget about the sun shining and love-starved single people in Seattle, that has endured a long winter, (hell it took part of our summer)and need to come out to play. While a summer fling can be a lot of fun, things also have the potential to get complicated. Everything may seem carefree at the start, but emotions are tricky and people can easily get hurt, rather from clashing intentions or becoming attached too freaking quickly. I can’t stress enough how important communication is within a fling, quickie, or relationship, especially when you are starting a new "thing" or situation. It may seem like you can read each other’s minds, but don’t assume that your partner knows what you are looking for (or that you know what your partner is looking for, for that matter). One of you may just be looking for fun, while the other may be looking for a long-term relationship. Avoid an unnecessarily painful breakup by being up-front about your intentions with your summer "fling", or whatever "ville" you find yourself venturing into ;)......

You know what is so profound to me???? Although people seem to underastand their own infidelity/or indiscretion, they still seem to have an un-openess to discussing with a potential "fling" that they may just want to make "whoopi";)... "Potentials", "flings", do not normally, openlly discuss their feelings and are rarely emotionally open unless they are extremely comfortable with you; "lovers", or "potentials" are inherently closed in their feelings to maintain their own belief of control. I mean, even if you think you have an "understanding" with a person, and you seem to agree to to be "casual", "lovers", or "potentials" can tend to be territorial and jealous; this is not to be confused with being suspicious of their "partners". The feelings tend to be so deep that if their "potential", "lover", or "partner" shows any attention to another person, they get a slight uneasy feelings; lol,this is just totally a biological instinct. But its funny how if you are involved with them and you start talking to another person and in any way say nice things, or touch them or they touch you anywhere, the instinct will kick in; they may not punch the other person, but they will no longer be in a good mood; they will go from "I love you so much" to "I wish I were home watching TV and not dealing with this", ask me how I know ;)....

Just a random thought.... Do you think that lovers'tend' to call you "hot" if they are thinking of you "only" sexually, and/but they will call you "sexy", "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "pretty" if they have more "INNOCENT" intentions. This isn't a universal absolute, however; in fact, this applies very little, but it can seem like an extra hint. anyway, just life according to "SoRareInSeattle", for whatever it is worth ;)

I Need To Watch My Words!!!

In his mind-changing book Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin makes a powerful case for the old adage, "If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all."

He says most of us say hurtful things about others much more often than we realize, and he challenges readers to go 24 hours without saying an unkind word to or about anyone. I failed.

Wounding words -- including confidence-crushing criticism, nasty sarcasm, demeaning nicknames and careless gossip – can inflict deep and lasting harm in the form of hurt feelings, negative self-images, damaged reputations and destroyed relationships. Sadly, the victims often are family and friends.

Forget "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Telushkin says unless you’ve been a victim of physical violence, chances are the worst pains you ever suffered came from words.

Grounding his views in Scripture, Telushkin says we have an ethical duty to be fair, respectful and careful when we talk about others. What we say about a person affects attitudes and dispositions and shapes reputations in ways that indelibly define that person.

Observing that we choose our clothes more carefully than we choose our words, he urges us to use our words as we would a loaded gun.

Telushkin is especially hard on gossip. That’s a hard one for me. A lot of my conversations involve talking about others. The problem is, such conversations often include unfair, unkind, insensitive or outright malicious digs, jabs and judgments.

The crucial message: Be more conscientiously kind and careful in what you say. Emphasize the positive, avoid remarks likely to cause pain or other damage and say nothing you wouldn’t want to get back to the person you’re talking about. Reminding Myself,,,,That Character Count!!!!

FREEDOM To BE??? Or Not To Be??? :/

Okay, the research slut is at it again, alas!!! I came across a study published by Helen Fisher, (no relation ;)) a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey, who knows all about love. She has observed the brain regions associated with a romantic love light that lights up as a man gazes at his inamorata, both in new relationships and in decades-long marriages. Fisher seems to have become a bit jaded by years of Hallmark moments, however, she says, “Who cares about people who are happily in love?” She wants to know. “It’s when you’ve been rejected that you turn into a menace.” So she has started exploring the science of heartbreak instead.

In a study published in May, Fisher and her colleagues asked 15 people who had recently been dumped but were still in love to consider two pictures—one of the former partner and one of a neutral acquaintance—while an MRI scanner measured their brain activity. When looking at their exes, the spurned lovers showed activity in parts of the brain’s reward system, just as happy lovers do. But the neural pathways associated with cravings and addictions were activated too, as was a brain region associated with the distress that accompanies physical pain.

Rejected lovers also showed increased neural response in regions involved in assessing behavior and controlling emotions. “These people were working on the problem, thinking, what did I do, what should I do next, what did I learn from this,” Fisher says. And the longer ago the breakup was, the weaker the activity in the attachment-linked region. In other words: Love hurts, but time heals.

Geesh! Who Needs THIS??? I Opt-Out For FREEDOM!
I can admit that I am a woman that wants to be free, because, having a steady relationship means giving up that precious freedom, especially after having been in some form of a monogamous relationship since your 20s! I value “my” new found freedom and have grown to be extremely independent. I like to make my own decisions and run my life according to my own rules. I want to do what I want and when I want. So when a new "friend" enters the picture, all the choices a girl like me is currently taking for granted - like hanging out with our friends anytime we desire or watching MY favorite programs, ARE GONE, (like Desperate Housewives gets bumped for Seattle's Most Wanted!!!)... I can admit that I am scared of combining families and financial responsibilities. Moreover, more than not, a lot of woman in my generation want to enjoy life, without getting into a serious relationship, especially after discovering our new~found freedom after divorce or separation......There is yet another apprehension women like me have - we wonder if they are the right person to marry? I want a mate that is a friend with whom I can go to a pub and/or discotheque, or a local museum, if the mood strikes...But seriously, I want to be free to find that perfect person that will make me ready to flip from one relationship to another. I feel that I often find myself not satisfied with my partner(s). I feel myself desiring to explore the field and see if there is any other person, who is better than the previous one and more suitable for me. My desired career ambitions are another reason why I want to wait, because I want to be financially secure before committing to someone. These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry, or remarry for that matter, and I can weigh my options instead of just jumping directly from school into re-marriage. I can afford to wait for that perfect person while I concentrate on getting my career off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively just play the field...A girl like me looks for financial security before I am willing to commit at this point in my life, because love alone cannot feed the stomach. So, I want to have a heavy bank account and enjoy life, before settling down.

And then there is the fear of the "Emotional Baggage"! :O Did I just say that?? Heehee, yes I did!!! I don't care for my own emotional baggage, let alone being equip to handle another persons baggage.....After my breakup(s), I want to just enjoy life. I am ready to wait and see if I find someone I really like, before making that decision of commitment. .... For me, at least right now, commitment means being emotionally dependent on the other for their approval. That's why I'm avoiding it! For now anywayzzzzz ;)...But there are others reasons as well. Such as, I don't always like feeling vulnerable and thus prefer to keep an emotional distance. I also do not want to give others the idea that they can do whatever they like with me, I have this fear of being controlled and this causes me to be unnecessarily defensive and unwilling to give and “serve” the other when appropriate. But When and If, I express love and interest, I also have the fear that I might receive the same response I need or I might not and I just don't feel like putting myself out there like that right now...I think I need one more year of living FLIRTATIOUSLY ;), UNLESS someone knocks me off my feet!!!! ;)

Satin Sheets Slide!

Okay, got some deeper things on my mind today,,,I have a question????? Have you ever seen the rich satin sheets that are draped invitingly across the beds in magazines and commercials? They look so inviting. They evoke sensuality, sexuality,and romance. Picture black satin sheets decorated with a single red rose. The scene seems to promise nights of unbridled passion. Satin sheets appear to promise erotic evenings similar to the ones we read about in romance novels. from the female perspective, they have all the aesthetic qualities needed to cause a warm glow to emanate from within. Yet I bet that whoever created the first set of satin sheets could not have been a man. Although I'd be hard-pressed to find a guy who didn't like the feel of satin against his skin, but most men would agree that satin is the worst possble material for love. Let me explain. Satin is cold in the winter; it holds absolutely no heat. In the summer, it will make you sweat because it does not breathe. It does not absorb moisture, and it wrinkles like linen. But the worst thing about it, from a male perspective that is, is that it makes you slide like a skater in an ice rink..Heehee. Satin sheets are horrendous for the man who wants to be amorous to the woman he desires. They will make him look like a real klutz as he slips around....
Satin is fine for the woman if she likes the feeling of a silky material on her spine. She can lie in the lap of luxury. But if the man is going to stay afloat, he would do far better to have some plain cotton or flannel sheets. You see, ladies, satin might be pretty, but it destroys all semblance of balance and leaves you grabbing for the bedpost and groping for handfuls of mattress just to turn aroun in the sack, much less try an acrobatic feat of passion. It is amazing that something that looks so inviting could be so impractical. I guess that just goes to show you that what looks good to the eye isn't always as good as it appears... Greater still is the issue that no two people are the sam...No man would have created those sheets, and if he did he would have quickly done a recall after one night of lying on them. It may be the look of love that we all want, but God knows we see through different eyes. We may see the same thing, but our vision is affected by culture, gender, and need perception. There is nothing wrong with having different viewpoints. In fact, it's pretty natural. People are different, with different needs. Neither viewpoint is better than the other; neither is more right. They're just different......
The very common mistake is, we fail to consider that there may be some things that work for you, but drive your love interest cRaZy. could it be possible that while you were busy enjoying your satin sheets, while the person beside you was silently praying they wouldn't slide out of the bed? If you never tell your partner/romantic interest what you want, you leave them on their own and they have to guess...Sooooo she brought home the satin sheets, and you just slid right out of bed......This post is dedicated to you ;)

FWB??? Aaaah Duh? Of Course..

I received 3 emails in response to my post FWB (Friends with Benefits) So I feel led to elaborate.... If you canvas my works in my blog archives,you will discover a theme: I enjoy the physical form, and I have a healthy sex drive. I also live in Seattle, which has a notorious-yet-accurate reputation for wringing the romance right out of life. A great place to raise a family, but can be brutal on the love life..

I exist in a world where sex is easy, love is hard, and either way, I still crave sex. So yes, it's true: I have had sex minus the love, or the promise thereof. And here's the kicker: I was and can be absolutely fine with that. Not "fine" like passive-aggressively not-really-fine. Not "fine" like totally-defensive-about-it fine. Just totally okay with that situation. But not over the moon, but naturally, more like caught between the moon and New York City, as it were. I mean, who wouldn't prefer to be having mind-blowing sex regularly with their soul-mate? I'm a crazy hopeless lunatic romantic, I swear to you. I am, no exaggeration, always in some form of love –whether I'm coming out of it, going into it, somewhere in the middle of it-I AM A HOPELESS LUTATIC ROMANTIC!!! BUT I will swear under interrogation that that's not true, of course ;)... I will not tell you, for instance, whom I could currently claim to be in any stage of love with at this very moment, But I am. AND DON'T let me tell you otherwise ;). The point being that I loooove love. And despite reams of missteps in the name of romance, I'm willing to go at it again and again, quite like the trusty definition of insanity, about trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. However, often I'm busy. Other times I'm exhausted. Most of the time (lately), there simply aren't any soul-mates in the offing. (Which is to say that whomever I claim to love at the moment may have a girlfriend, just losing a girlfriend or lives in another state). So I find myself with a potential partner I like well enough, but do not and will not ever love. Maybe we had an instant connection over our love of education, books, or maybe they were just too freaking yummy to pass up. A real, live person is just better than any vibrator. I don't care what kind of technological advances are coming out of “Lovers”.

A few of my girlfriends gasp in wonder at my apparently superhuman ability to transcend the sex-love connection. "I just can't do it," one single one says. "I don't think I could handle that if I were still out there," the married one says. What I say is “I don't see any choice.” If we're going to do this putting-off-marriage thing, and we're going to focus on careers instead of spouses, and we're going to wait until we find the Big Love before settling down,,,,, well, how is it that we're not going to act like nut jobs in the meantime? How are we going to quell that desperate look in our eyes when we meet a prospect? And how are we going to stop ourselves from being blinded by lush lips and sexy hips and six packs? Girls,there's only one answer: We have to break the ironclad love-sex bond. It's simply the only way to survive all this without going mad...........

I have learned that what you get in the standard, responsible, very much warranted sex talk from Mom in adolescence, isn't necessarily true in modern adulthood. Sex isn't just something two people do to show they love each other very much. Sex is a biological drive, and you will lose your mind if you repress it for too long. We're all a little different on this score; some women can go much longer than others. But in a dating era when not looking crazy is half the battle, showing up to the party sexually satisfied goes a long way. Then you're not clinging to Mr./Mrs. Good Prospect because they can handle that for you; you're flirting with them because you see them for what they are, and you like it! Imagine how loony you'd act if you literally depended on some individual to satisfy another basic biological need, like eating???/!!! Yep, that's about how you look when you come at the right person with your libido on overdrive, freaking LOONY! This doesn't mean we should all go on sexual rampages, mind you. It's like eating and drinking: Listen to your body, and do it in moderation. You will know when you're satiated, and then you will stop. You won't go after anything that's blatantly bad for you. You will use your best judgment. (P.S. A good tip from a friend's ex-lover: If you're going to have recreational sex multiple times with the same person, "You can only cash in three times." After that, a little static cling is bound to develop, no matter how evolved you think you are.)

These days, I'm truly, honestly ready -- and hoping -- to meet the person who will bring it all back together for me. I want soul-mate sex, or at least potential-soul-mate sex. And in the meantime, I do have a vibrator -- and the reassurance that I live in a city full of eligible individuals :).. Just the “World” according to SoRare ;)

Can We Be FWB's and Thats It?

I believe, "Life According to SoRare", that EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you know, you fell in love with a person. You
anticipate their call, want their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with this person isn't hard. In fact, it can seem to be a ompletely spontaneous experience, almost effortless. YOU DON'T have to DO anything!!! So I guess that's why it's called "FALLING" in love - because it happens TO YOU! Question? Why do people in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet!" Let's Just think about the imagery of that expression for just a moment, shall we.... This expression, in itself, implies that they were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO THEM....Hmmmm,Fact or Fiction? Well, I don't know about being swept off my feet,,,but I do know that falling in love is easy and thats just because it is a totally passive and spontaneous experience. No complaints from me here, I love love ;)....

But what about embarking on a sexual relationship with no emotional attachment, is it possible? Can two consenting adults really have a sexual relationship with no emotional involvement? I think anything is possible, and in some situations it can be the only probable recourse :) Even tho I believe that once two people have sex, there is an unexplainable bond that is created, that seem to pull them together, whether they want it to happen or NOT. I don't believe that this bond means that they are instantly in love just because they had sex, it just changes the relationship they had before, sometimes for the better ;), sometimes not:( I mean "I" enjoy hanging out with someone that is so undemanding and uncomplicated, but even this can turn around and bite you on the ass, for I still find myself relying on this "arrangement", and even this leads to involvement!!! Truely lifes little LOL, along with the endless obsession with how women are going to die alone because they have brains and casual sex has truly become the gift that keeps on giving as well..;)..I say all this too say,,,I spent 3.5 hours on the phone with Jesse last night, the NOLONGER married Jesse.Hmmmm...Do I Notice a DIFFERERNCE???? And then there is SammySmith. LOL, I am feeling Cynicle.....What does anyone really want???LOL

I Am Back. Power of a Compliment

It seems so simple and yet is often overlooked: a genuine compliment offered at the right time, in the right way, can help a budding relationship soar to new heights. Why? Because we’re all human, and we all love to know we are appreciated and admired—especially by someone of the opposite sex whom we appreciate and admire in return.

Millennia ago, King Solomon wrote hundreds of proverbs that became part of the Bible’s Old Testament. Recognized by historians as one of the wisest people who ever lived, he said, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” And, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Those were poetic ways of saying that words of affirmation and approval have a dynamic effect on the recipient. In this regard, nothing has changed since the ancient days of Solomon: inspirational words will resonate and reverberate in the life of the one who receives them.

Before I go any further, let’s clear up one thing--we’re not talking about manipulation and maneuvering. Smooth-talking schmoozers and phony flatterers can fool people for only so long. In our age of slick advertisements and clever marketing ploys, we’ve all got our antennae up for come-ons and con men. Instead, we’re talking here about communicating sincere, heartfelt admiration for qualities in your partner. It’s about identifying traits you value about the person you’re dating and expressing authentic appreciation.

Psychologists have identified a “secret” to wonderful relationships: Our love for another person is strongly influenced by how that individual makes us feel about ourselves. Since one of the most potent motivations in life is to feel good about ourselves, we will be drawn to a person who gives a boost to our self-esteem. Some may say this principle sounds self-centered and egocentric, but it is a basic fact of human nature. And indeed this can be a powerful positive force: couples with the best relationships are the ones who encourage, praise, and build up each other.

There’s nothing wrong with a generalized “I think you’re great” kind of accolade -- but for maximum impact, make it precise and particular. Tell the person exactly what you admire, with plenty of details. If you like your partner’s sense of humor, tell him or her what especially makes you laugh. If you admire the person’s generosity, say why that means so much to you. Don’t worry about going overboard -- most people are more than happy to receive excessive praise.

Some of us feel a little sheepish about giving compliments, so we do it with a quick pat on the back or a mumbled commendation. That’s okay -- certainly better than nothing. But it’s much more meaningful to look someone in the eye, maybe grab the person’s hand, and say, “I’ve noticed something very impressive about you...”

If you want to amplify kudos for your significant other, accentuate the positives publicly. Over dinner with friends, you can say, “I thought it was awesome that Pat spent the past three weekends volunteering with Habitat for Humanity.” Or at a family gathering: “I’m sure you know about Kelly’s job promotion. Well deserved!”

How about putting it in writing? This doesn’t mean texting or an email message. Take a few minutes to write a note -- with pen and paper -- saying what you value about the other person. “Just wanted to tell you that I appreciate...” In our era of digital and disposable communication, an old-fashioned, handwritten note is something permanent that can be read over and over.

If you are looking for a lasting and loving relationship, keep this principle front and center in your mind: When you help your lover feel great about himself or herself -- and use compliments to do so -- the love will return to you tenfold. So I am expecting a BIG PAYOFF SOON ;)

ENIGMA...Hmmm

O.K. been cr8zy busy l8tly ;) But still seem 2 have time 4 JeSsE ;), but I don’t know, bcuz the otherd8 Jesse called me an Enigma! Now I wuz aware of the definition meaning “mystery”, but U know me,,,,and I had 2 look it up! And yes, it meant “mystery,” but I also discovered that it also meant, “Enigma is Latin and from Greek Enigmat from ainissesthai, which mean to speak in riddles, also the word derives from ainos, which means fable.....Huh? ;/. Well, Webster didn’t stop there, it went on 2 offer other defining meanings;/ which were; 1. an obscure speech or writing; 2. something hard 2 understand or explain; 3. an Inscrutable (Not readily investigated, interpreted or understood:Mysterious ) or mysterious person....Hahahahaha, really? Really Jesse? An Enigma???? I guess I am taken back by their perception, but Wiki s8z, and I quote “An enigma is a type of riddle generally expressed in metaphorical or allegorical language that requires ingenuity and careful thinking for its solution. I guess you should get buzy on that SOLUTION!!! Edgar Allan Poe, put it this w8, "Seldom we find," says Solomon Don Dunce, "Half an idea in the profoundest sonnet.
Through all the flimsy things we see at once
As easily as through a Naples bonnet.

Trash of all trash! how can a lady don it?
Yet heavier far than your Petrarchan stuff-
Owl downy nonsense that the faintest puff
Twirls into trunk-paper the while you con it."

And, veritably, Sol is right enough.

The general tuckermanities are arrant
Bubbles- ephemeral and so transparent

But this is, now, you may depend upon it
Stable, opaque, immortal, all by dint
Of the dear names that he concealed within 't.

Our rel8tionship is an ENIGMA ;) Whats a girl 2 do when she is confronted with the reality of that there's never much2 say between the moments of our games and repartee. There's never much to read betweeen the lines of
what we need and what we'll take! There's never much 2 talk about or say aloud, but you should desire 2 say it anyway....But what about the business of holidays and yesterdays, and broken dreams, that somehow slipped away.......In books and magazines on how 2 be and what 2 see,,,,,messages received while I am being!!!! Before and after photographs teach how to pass from reaching 2 believing......We live beyond our means on other people's dreams,,,and that's succeeding;/ Between the lines of photographs I've SEEN THE PAST------IT ISN’T PLEASING!!!!! What the Hell,,,,,,,So strike another match.....We'll have another glass of wine, and dance until the evening's dead of too much song and time.......There's never much 2 speak about, or read between the lines of what we dream about, when we're apart qnd no one's looking on 2 say you're mine!!!!! It was a good year then, it was a good year then 19 years ago,,,,,,,I certainly remember!!!!!Remember the time, around “Flossy Glossy” that 1 time you threw the looking glass and seemed a fool, or very clever!!!! Don't spoil it all, I can't recall a time when you were struck without an answer......But we still could live a quiet peaceful time between the lines,,,and go together.... Soooooo I'm striking up the band 2 play our last hurrah and we can dance until we've killed another evening off.... Don't think of anyone but me and I promise, I'll have no lovers on the side....2nite is all we've ever dreamed about, so 4 once let's get it right!!!! I'll go down flying in the end, through another bottle in between the lines!!!!! I'll go down like a ship of state, so fucking PlEaSe,,,,let's be gracious now, Between The Lines.......Damnit J.I. Ur Just the gift that keeps on giving ;)........Flowz ain't soooo bad herself, although,.. she had another 1 of her dreamz, again ;),,,, whats up wit that;/???? Peace and Loooovvvvveeee...SoRare s8ng, Goodnite/Morning ;)

Fuck Loving You!

Somebody told me once that pain is a game we all gotta pay’ then why am I broke and working in sudden death every other day! I know before good can abide there a certain amount of pain I gotta pay, but I’ve paid till I’m poor and I still don’t know what it is to have a good day! Since everybody knows what it is I’m suppose to do, well do me a favor, won’t you worry about you and me worry about me.....I don’t need knowone to put me down and mope around, cuz I can’t get no lower,and I don’t need knowone to hang around and make me frown, it just makes me look older... I don’t need knowone to black my eyes and make me cry over nobody else..I can do bad all by myself!!!! Somebody told me once that running from the rain don’t make no sence, I have my own dark clouds for a whille now and it goes wherever I’m going...they telling me the grass is greener on the otherside, but I don’t wanna take a chance on sum dirt when I got grass, even though the grass has died...Since everybody knows what it is that I need 2 do, well do me a favor, let me worry about me and you worry about you.I can do bad, I can do bad, don’t waste your time feeling bad for me, I don’t need your sympathy, no, cuz Gods watching over me, so I guess this is where I’m suppose to be....And I dont need someone to tear me down and mope around cuz I cant get no lower, I dont need knowone to hang around and make me frown, just makes me older..And I dont need knowone to black my eyes and tell me lies, dont wanna cry over nobody else, cuz I can do bad all by myself!!!!!

It's Over Now........

There are sum things that we face, you’ve come to people, and it seems like they just dont want 2 know...I understand it....I’ve been there....I am there....As a matter of fact, let me s8 it like this......I’ve hurt sooo many nights, I’ve cried sooo many hours , just trying 2 make it right. But just didn’t have the Power.....And you’ve ignored all my tears and it hurt me soooo bad....you wanted them 2 disappear. I tried 2 let it go but I guess, you don’t wanna know..?.. Listen up you, if I had a dime for everytime I tried 2 call your name, something tells me, that I would be wealthy...... But I’ve learned that I can cope, yes I did...Through my struggles I have discovered that I can make it in nights so long and cold, so freakn cold, you don’t know how cold, but I discovered I can take it!.....Now I wouldn’t change a thing, not for the knowledge that I’ve gained...I have also discovered in my trials, and I’ve learned that I can grow, and I really did...I tried to let it go-I DID. I tried to let it show, but I guess,,, you just don’t wanna know....You really don’t wanna know how many nights I’ve cried, you don’t know how many times I felt I would die, ,,,but I kept on moving, I kept on hoping, I kept on believing and now I can tell you that I’M OVER IT NOW, and I can’t EXPLAIN IT, but right now, I’m over it! This morning I just broke free, the chains they just fell off of me. People can talk about me, just as you please, but I’m all grown up now, and I’m over it now, finally got the victory over this foolishness, cuz I’m over it now..... I can’t s8 how, but I’m over it. Went to a meeting last week and my heart wasn’t right, but sumthing got a hold of me and I’m over it now!....Thanks KW, the BEST :)

It's My Heart...I Can Give To Whom Ever I Wish....

Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right (Jerry Garcia). The Webster dictionary sayz that clarity is the state of seeing clearly. I usually achieve clarity in those moments of startling insight when I am able to shift my perspective by viewing a situation in a new light....I empathize Terry, but you still have no right to behave the way that you did the other day. I never lied to you regarding Jesse, and even though you have strong oppinions regarding my choices, it still does not give you the right to bereft me of peace and happiness in my own choices.....It is my heart....I can give it to whom ever I choose..."Just trying to be supportive"...Really????Well there are two ways of spreading light: to either be the candle or the mirror that reflects it! (Edith Wharton). Your neither my candle nor my mirror! FYI-Your delivery SUCKS! And I will not engage in the blame game.

Support is holding up from underneath. You support someone when you WILLINGLY step forward to strengthen, energize and help her through a difficult time....Every person creates his or her own reality. Authorship of my life is one of my absolute rights and I am not one of those people denying the fact that I have the ability to script the life I desire (if I can only convince the other participant to jump in-we would be well on our way). I am painfully aware of the fact that I have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout my lifetime. I take responsibility, which means I admit my accountabi8lity and acknowledge my influence and role in the circumstances in which I now find myself. Did I make the wrong choice? Only I can determine that! I am answerable for my own behavior and I fully accept any consequences created by my actions..Ur a lawyer, you should know all about this! Although I take responsibility, responsibility is not blame, and understnding the difference between the two is crucial to learning MY LESSONS!! I release All!!! I fully am aware that release is just the simple act of letting go. There are times, like right now, when I take full responsibility for the progression, or lack of progression of a relationship, and there are time, like now, when I need to just let go and walk away.....I need to release this situation in order to save my energy for more important battles.

I am learning the lesson of release as I begin to choose it as a conscious act rather than a passive means to hide from responsibility.....I AM SORRY....Never meant to hurt you by my choices that have proven to be unbeneficial to you or for you.....FYI..I have courage! I think it takes courage to embrace the idea that what I make of my life is up to me and to actually do what I need to do. I also believe that courage is learned in the moment that one takes a leap of faith and take action.

Sometimes my fear can be nameless, even though I am pretty sure I will not injure myself, and failure isn't a real concern. I suppose I am simply afraid in the way that humans often are when they stand poised to jump, metaphorically or literally into the unknown. But my fear, real or imagined, only impedes me at times.

I am aware that you think my decisions were based on fear of the unknown of us, but what you do not realize is that, it was not fear that supported my decision to release you, but courage!!

On another note,,I miss Jesse, even though I see them almost daily, sometimes I do not actually see them!!!!

Never Said I Can Handle Not Being With You:)

Question? How does a girl who falls, No actually, she jumps, eyes wide open, down a rabbit hole plummiting into chaos,,,comes out the other end unchanged? The ANSWER....SHE DOESN’T!!! U C I know, bcuz that girl.....IS ME! Since the beginning of summer, I have been ready 2 try, AGAIN.... A little bruised, a little humbled,,,and hopefully, a lkttle smarter! I believe we write our own stories, and each time we think we know the end....WE DON’T!!!! Perhaps luck exist somewhere between the world of chance and from the peace that cums from knowing that in the end, we just can’t know it ALL!!! Lifes funny that way and once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong!

O.K. I am going out 2nite 2 Bush Gardens, so I will make this quick....I have been thinking a great deal about U Know Who.....and.....I realize, I may need to build “my” lovers profile!! What I mean is, professional salespeople know that “learning the customer” is an essential first step toward closing the sale. Admittedly, the clerk at the local discount store may not need to do a lot of research on you in order to sell you a toothbrush or a pair of shoelaces. But the more coplex and ore iportant the transaction is, the more likely it is that the salesperson involved is going to do some serious digging. That’s because they know the more thoroghly they research the customer, the better the connection they’ll make with that customer, and the more liely that interaction will result in a sale. Take a real estate agent, for example. B4 she even walks you through that first house, she is going to get as much history from you as she can. She will find out how many kids you have, where you work, and how long you have been in the market for a home. If you’ve just got to have an extra bedroom for Fido, she will want to know plenty about what matters to you: what your priorities are, what bothers you about your current HOME, how you like to spend your free time. ALL transactions involve the development of relationships, and all relationshps involve transactions. The best relationships involve a thorough understanding of the other person so that the transactions can be MEANINGFUL. In business the currency is money. In intimate relationships the currency id defined by feelings and experiences. In the comemrce and flow of relationships, one rewards their partner not with money, but with feelings of love, acceptance, belonging, and security, visa versa. It is impossible to give you what you need if I don’t understand what you need! If I am the person hunting 4 the house in the scenerio I just described, then I submit that I would appreciate the extra effort that agent takes to get to know me. I would recognize that she is trying to identify my unique needs so that she can meet them by steering me toward what will come closest to fullfilling those needs. In the long run, the profile that she creates of me, her customer, serves my interests and hers.

So Question? How does a girl who falls, No actually, she jumps, eyes wide open, down a rabbit hole plummiting into chaos,,,comes out the other end unchanged? The ANSWER....SHE DOESN’T!!!

Nothing But Error!

O.K. Have'nt been here in a while,I won't bore you with tooo much about my week, cuz got sum sh$i to talk about! Went to Bush Grrdens Wednesday, lots of people (Devone and Sonya were there:))and "wanna Be's" blah, blah blah, blah. However, my sister sang like an angel. For realz;) Shout out;0. Anywayz, I'v stayed away, bcuz I made the unforgettable error of letting JESSE, know my blog address! Hated IT! Soooooo not so pretty of an reaction, but we are gettin through it;), but still got 2 be true, even if I am unable to do this in other arenas ;) Jesse still won't devulge the answer to my question, which is, "What Do I Do 4 YOU?"! Whatever......Anywayz.

I am a ordinary girl, well hell, sort of ;)! But is it rediculous for me to still believe that deep love and optimism can make a relationship last. I mean, if two people come together becuz they want to, becuz the idea of a life together feels sooo right, becuz they believe that their union is ONE of the things that could complete them....Is this such a rediculous notion? Hold on- cuz I am ALL FOR approaching a relationship seriously, making sacrifices, and promising that I will offer up my heart and soul to another. I am just afraid of not being able to understand, or cope with the REASONZ, or IDEA of the possibility of that "very thing" that I once thought would make me sooo happy, leaves me feeling, trapped, overwhelmed by the unspeakable feeling of disappointment! Been there, done that, no repeats please! aREN'T WE ALL AFRAID OF THIS??? I don't want to second guess myself, be left wondering "how sumthing could go stagnant and painful so quickly! However, I relate to the real world with real problems, real children, real financial demands, and REAL competion for affection-HELL-real stress! AND I do not need to remind us all, that research shows that over two-thirds of couples, married or otherwise, who may or may not, attend relationship counseling, are worse, or at least, no better after one freaken year OF MAKING SECULAR ATTEMPTS TO REPAIR! The divorce rate in America seems to refuse to drop below fifty percent (had one of those), and twenty percent of us will divorce, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE in our LIFETIME! What the HELL! It is clear that pleasant and generic instructio on how to "communicate" better or theoretical musings that give me great "insight" about my relationships, JUST didn't cut it for me 15 years ago and won't cut it now!

Is it sooooooo impossible to know and impliment a solid, pratical way to reframe my life and my lifestyle in order to create a healthy relationship, rather than live in such a way as to maintain and support a bad one? I need a "clarion call"! An unapologetic command that allows me to strip away all of my defenses and fears, break through my clutter of my past, raise my standards of personal excellence, and stay diligently on course so that I may get what I want in my life. My mission is to peel away the layers of confusion and distorted thinking-"stinkin thinkin" that has dominated my relationships, peel away the false world I have constructed, put myself back in touch with my inner core of consciousness, and apply the answers that HAVE worked for me in the beginning, in the past. All A Girl Wants 2 do is love sumone and be loved back! AUGH! Just becuz I believe that a relationship is ONE of the things that completes me,,,,does not make me a idiot, and I am not some masochist who is looking for a relationship so that I can SUFFER! Nonethess, I know that no matter how much willpower I have to keep hanging in there, there is a line out there, if pushed across, I will say, "Thats enough, I wont take another minute." I know myself well enough to realize that if I cross that line, it will be the beginning of the end. I know my dignity and my heart can take only sooo much, and if it is violated one too many time, then I will finally dig my heels in and the deal will be over in a flash. YOUR line may still be looming way out there in YOUR future somewhere, or at this very moment you might be walking that line like a "Tightrope".

I am not inadequate or incompetent when it comes to a relationship. The brutal and sad fact is that the deck may have been stacked overwhelmingly against me! It is a wonder I have made it this far!