Okay, the research slut is at it again, alas!!! I came across a study published by Helen Fisher, (no relation ;)) a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey, who knows all about love. She has observed the brain regions associated with a romantic love light that lights up as a man gazes at his inamorata, both in new relationships and in decades-long marriages. Fisher seems to have become a bit jaded by years of Hallmark moments, however, she says, “Who cares about people who are happily in love?” She wants to know. “It’s when you’ve been rejected that you turn into a menace.” So she has started exploring the science of heartbreak instead.
In a study published in May, Fisher and her colleagues asked 15 people who had recently been dumped but were still in love to consider two pictures—one of the former partner and one of a neutral acquaintance—while an MRI scanner measured their brain activity. When looking at their exes, the spurned lovers showed activity in parts of the brain’s reward system, just as happy lovers do. But the neural pathways associated with cravings and addictions were activated too, as was a brain region associated with the distress that accompanies physical pain.
Rejected lovers also showed increased neural response in regions involved in assessing behavior and controlling emotions. “These people were working on the problem, thinking, what did I do, what should I do next, what did I learn from this,” Fisher says. And the longer ago the breakup was, the weaker the activity in the attachment-linked region. In other words: Love hurts, but time heals.
Geesh! Who Needs THIS??? I Opt-Out For FREEDOM!
I can admit that I am a woman that wants to be free, because, having a steady relationship means giving up that precious freedom, especially after having been in some form of a monogamous relationship since your 20s! I value “my” new found freedom and have grown to be extremely independent. I like to make my own decisions and run my life according to my own rules. I want to do what I want and when I want. So when a new "friend" enters the picture, all the choices a girl like me is currently taking for granted - like hanging out with our friends anytime we desire or watching MY favorite programs, ARE GONE, (like Desperate Housewives gets bumped for Seattle's Most Wanted!!!)... I can admit that I am scared of combining families and financial responsibilities. Moreover, more than not, a lot of woman in my generation want to enjoy life, without getting into a serious relationship, especially after discovering our new~found freedom after divorce or separation......There is yet another apprehension women like me have - we wonder if they are the right person to marry? I want a mate that is a friend with whom I can go to a pub and/or discotheque, or a local museum, if the mood strikes...But seriously, I want to be free to find that perfect person that will make me ready to flip from one relationship to another. I feel that I often find myself not satisfied with my partner(s). I feel myself desiring to explore the field and see if there is any other person, who is better than the previous one and more suitable for me. My desired career ambitions are another reason why I want to wait, because I want to be financially secure before committing to someone. These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry, or remarry for that matter, and I can weigh my options instead of just jumping directly from school into re-marriage. I can afford to wait for that perfect person while I concentrate on getting my career off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively just play the field...A girl like me looks for financial security before I am willing to commit at this point in my life, because love alone cannot feed the stomach. So, I want to have a heavy bank account and enjoy life, before settling down.
And then there is the fear of the "Emotional Baggage"! :O Did I just say that?? Heehee, yes I did!!! I don't care for my own emotional baggage, let alone being equip to handle another persons baggage.....After my breakup(s), I want to just enjoy life. I am ready to wait and see if I find someone I really like, before making that decision of commitment. .... For me, at least right now, commitment means being emotionally dependent on the other for their approval. That's why I'm avoiding it! For now anywayzzzzz ;)...But there are others reasons as well. Such as, I don't always like feeling vulnerable and thus prefer to keep an emotional distance. I also do not want to give others the idea that they can do whatever they like with me, I have this fear of being controlled and this causes me to be unnecessarily defensive and unwilling to give and “serve” the other when appropriate. But When and If, I express love and interest, I also have the fear that I might receive the same response I need or I might not and I just don't feel like putting myself out there like that right now...I think I need one more year of living FLIRTATIOUSLY ;), UNLESS someone knocks me off my feet!!!! ;)
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