Again?What Do You Mean I Fall In Love Again?

"I Just Fall in Love Again" is a song written by Larry Herbstritt.....But can you just simply "fall in love again?" Does one really want to???? They say we usually fall in love with those who match a list that is stored in our minds. I honestly believe that over the years and as we interact with life we start to form a list of the items that should be present in the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. This list is the key factor that makes us fall in love with someone and not another person. Our culture, our society, our past experiences, our childhood experiences, our relationship with our friends and our relationship with our parents shapes this list until it contains the code that can make "us" love a certain person.

I recently read that If someone fell in love with you once, even for a few moments, then this means that you have already matched their "subconscious criteria." If this is true, then a person will never fall in love with you if you didn’t match their "subconscious criteria". So basically, if it happened once that you bypassed their filters and met their criteria then you can always make them fall in love with you again. But what if it is you that do not feel like entagling your current life-style with all that comes with being in love???? The only way that a person who is "unwilling" to fall in love again is to re-invent this part of their desire. I guess, I, you, we, would have to first recognize the need to even love again. If we can allow ourselves to remember that loving others is one of the most basic needs of human existence and without love, life is meaningless (even if our current single life options are occasionally appetizing:)).

But seriously, I think that you just gotta love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more likely you are to attract a person who is emotionally healthy. If you go out looking for love to fill a hole in your heart, then you are much more likely to attract someone who wants to take advantage of you. However, if you come from the perspective of having lots of love to give, then you will attract a similar person. Let the love come to you. AND definately don’t go out looking for “Mr. or Ms. Right” in places where singles congregate, bars, clubs, etc, because we "all" know the only thing you should take from that interaction is a "FWB", HeeHee. Just life according to SoRare...LOL

Breaking It Off! So Hard To Do!

On February 13, 2011, YourTango celebrated their very first annual Break Up With Your Ex Day, a day on which they urged people to let go of awkward and sometimes painful memories, insidious social media connections and dead-weight relationship baggage in an attempt to move on in both love and life. But is this to say that returning to an ex-partner, ex-lover, ex-spouse repeatedly Karma or a sign of weakness? I firmly believe that people do not just stop 'being in love'.......nor do they 'fall out of love' as if they were changing channels on the television. Loving emotions cannot be turned off like that. Love is a deep, lasting emotion that can withstand betrayal, hurt, anger, fear, and confusion and unfortunately, love can also be denied, subdued, or buried so deep in our psyche that it is not felt and unacknowledged. But it is still there and it CAN resurface again, and again, GEESH!!!

When a person returns to an ex-partner, ex-lover or ex-spouse, it doesn't necessarily have to have anything at all to do with karma. It is not always a sign of weakness. Some of these people are stronger for the return. (It actually depends on the situation.) Some of them truly are weak. (This also depends on the situation.) There are so many problems associated with returning time and again to the same old, same old. When nothing has changed between you, why keep going back to the same thing that was not satisfying the first, second, or even third time around?

Life is truly like a river. And as stated in all philosophies, you can not step into the river twice in the same place. It is ever moving, ever changing. It is an indication of our own human nature, that we, too, are ever changing. So if relationships are changing, why would anyone be stuck to the same old person, place, thing? The reasons I am sure are many when we try to justify our behavior but come down to one thing only: The fears we hold of moving on. We are stuck in fear and can not enjoy the adventure and fun of looking beyond what we already know. Perhaps it is 'rather the devil I know, than the one I don't know' attitude that keeps us stuck in the old, tried and usually, failed love(s) past rather than moving onward and upward. I honestly feel that if someone does not like me for who I am, then it is their loss, not mine. I am special, with all the good, the bad, the ugly that is me, accept it or move on. This is a very powerful energy to get a hold on and keep it growing. So the truly real feelings that keep us coming back time and again have nothing to do with any preconceived ideas such as karma, but more to do with our own fears.


Paul Simon says there are fifty ways to it. I imagine there are probably fifty-thousand ways to it. But when it comes to leaving your lover for good, one thing's for certain: it's never easy. One thing for sure is, you have got to get clear. Off-again on-again relationships are dramatic and draining for both parties involved. Are you ready to break up once and for all or simply in need of a little space to sort out your feelings? If you are living together, then space can be evasive, but I encourage anyone in this situation, to get their independence back to the forefront as if your life depends on it...Because remaining in a situation because of lack of preparation, just leads to degradation of the soul....Or just follow this “exit strategy” of Paul Simon 50 ways To Leave Your Lover (for good)....LOL.

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free!!!
Until then, leave everyone else alone, or someone is bound to be a casualty of “your” war!

It Is All About The "Fling"....

Just like that timeless karaoke favorite, “Summer Nights,” it seems that the summer fling has become a rite of passage for some of us, either just because we are on vacation, or taking a vacation at home away from, well hell, ourselves...,LOL. Anything is possible when your single and bored, lets not forget about the sun shining and love-starved single people in Seattle, that has endured a long winter, (hell it took part of our summer)and need to come out to play. While a summer fling can be a lot of fun, things also have the potential to get complicated. Everything may seem carefree at the start, but emotions are tricky and people can easily get hurt, rather from clashing intentions or becoming attached too freaking quickly. I can’t stress enough how important communication is within a fling, quickie, or relationship, especially when you are starting a new "thing" or situation. It may seem like you can read each other’s minds, but don’t assume that your partner knows what you are looking for (or that you know what your partner is looking for, for that matter). One of you may just be looking for fun, while the other may be looking for a long-term relationship. Avoid an unnecessarily painful breakup by being up-front about your intentions with your summer "fling", or whatever "ville" you find yourself venturing into ;)......

You know what is so profound to me???? Although people seem to underastand their own infidelity/or indiscretion, they still seem to have an un-openess to discussing with a potential "fling" that they may just want to make "whoopi";)... "Potentials", "flings", do not normally, openlly discuss their feelings and are rarely emotionally open unless they are extremely comfortable with you; "lovers", or "potentials" are inherently closed in their feelings to maintain their own belief of control. I mean, even if you think you have an "understanding" with a person, and you seem to agree to to be "casual", "lovers", or "potentials" can tend to be territorial and jealous; this is not to be confused with being suspicious of their "partners". The feelings tend to be so deep that if their "potential", "lover", or "partner" shows any attention to another person, they get a slight uneasy feelings; lol,this is just totally a biological instinct. But its funny how if you are involved with them and you start talking to another person and in any way say nice things, or touch them or they touch you anywhere, the instinct will kick in; they may not punch the other person, but they will no longer be in a good mood; they will go from "I love you so much" to "I wish I were home watching TV and not dealing with this", ask me how I know ;)....

Just a random thought.... Do you think that lovers'tend' to call you "hot" if they are thinking of you "only" sexually, and/but they will call you "sexy", "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "pretty" if they have more "INNOCENT" intentions. This isn't a universal absolute, however; in fact, this applies very little, but it can seem like an extra hint. anyway, just life according to "SoRareInSeattle", for whatever it is worth ;)

I Need To Watch My Words!!!

In his mind-changing book Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin makes a powerful case for the old adage, "If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all."

He says most of us say hurtful things about others much more often than we realize, and he challenges readers to go 24 hours without saying an unkind word to or about anyone. I failed.

Wounding words -- including confidence-crushing criticism, nasty sarcasm, demeaning nicknames and careless gossip – can inflict deep and lasting harm in the form of hurt feelings, negative self-images, damaged reputations and destroyed relationships. Sadly, the victims often are family and friends.

Forget "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Telushkin says unless you’ve been a victim of physical violence, chances are the worst pains you ever suffered came from words.

Grounding his views in Scripture, Telushkin says we have an ethical duty to be fair, respectful and careful when we talk about others. What we say about a person affects attitudes and dispositions and shapes reputations in ways that indelibly define that person.

Observing that we choose our clothes more carefully than we choose our words, he urges us to use our words as we would a loaded gun.

Telushkin is especially hard on gossip. That’s a hard one for me. A lot of my conversations involve talking about others. The problem is, such conversations often include unfair, unkind, insensitive or outright malicious digs, jabs and judgments.

The crucial message: Be more conscientiously kind and careful in what you say. Emphasize the positive, avoid remarks likely to cause pain or other damage and say nothing you wouldn’t want to get back to the person you’re talking about. Reminding Myself,,,,That Character Count!!!!

FREEDOM To BE??? Or Not To Be??? :/

Okay, the research slut is at it again, alas!!! I came across a study published by Helen Fisher, (no relation ;)) a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey, who knows all about love. She has observed the brain regions associated with a romantic love light that lights up as a man gazes at his inamorata, both in new relationships and in decades-long marriages. Fisher seems to have become a bit jaded by years of Hallmark moments, however, she says, “Who cares about people who are happily in love?” She wants to know. “It’s when you’ve been rejected that you turn into a menace.” So she has started exploring the science of heartbreak instead.

In a study published in May, Fisher and her colleagues asked 15 people who had recently been dumped but were still in love to consider two pictures—one of the former partner and one of a neutral acquaintance—while an MRI scanner measured their brain activity. When looking at their exes, the spurned lovers showed activity in parts of the brain’s reward system, just as happy lovers do. But the neural pathways associated with cravings and addictions were activated too, as was a brain region associated with the distress that accompanies physical pain.

Rejected lovers also showed increased neural response in regions involved in assessing behavior and controlling emotions. “These people were working on the problem, thinking, what did I do, what should I do next, what did I learn from this,” Fisher says. And the longer ago the breakup was, the weaker the activity in the attachment-linked region. In other words: Love hurts, but time heals.

Geesh! Who Needs THIS??? I Opt-Out For FREEDOM!
I can admit that I am a woman that wants to be free, because, having a steady relationship means giving up that precious freedom, especially after having been in some form of a monogamous relationship since your 20s! I value “my” new found freedom and have grown to be extremely independent. I like to make my own decisions and run my life according to my own rules. I want to do what I want and when I want. So when a new "friend" enters the picture, all the choices a girl like me is currently taking for granted - like hanging out with our friends anytime we desire or watching MY favorite programs, ARE GONE, (like Desperate Housewives gets bumped for Seattle's Most Wanted!!!)... I can admit that I am scared of combining families and financial responsibilities. Moreover, more than not, a lot of woman in my generation want to enjoy life, without getting into a serious relationship, especially after discovering our new~found freedom after divorce or separation......There is yet another apprehension women like me have - we wonder if they are the right person to marry? I want a mate that is a friend with whom I can go to a pub and/or discotheque, or a local museum, if the mood strikes...But seriously, I want to be free to find that perfect person that will make me ready to flip from one relationship to another. I feel that I often find myself not satisfied with my partner(s). I feel myself desiring to explore the field and see if there is any other person, who is better than the previous one and more suitable for me. My desired career ambitions are another reason why I want to wait, because I want to be financially secure before committing to someone. These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry, or remarry for that matter, and I can weigh my options instead of just jumping directly from school into re-marriage. I can afford to wait for that perfect person while I concentrate on getting my career off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively just play the field...A girl like me looks for financial security before I am willing to commit at this point in my life, because love alone cannot feed the stomach. So, I want to have a heavy bank account and enjoy life, before settling down.

And then there is the fear of the "Emotional Baggage"! :O Did I just say that?? Heehee, yes I did!!! I don't care for my own emotional baggage, let alone being equip to handle another persons baggage.....After my breakup(s), I want to just enjoy life. I am ready to wait and see if I find someone I really like, before making that decision of commitment. .... For me, at least right now, commitment means being emotionally dependent on the other for their approval. That's why I'm avoiding it! For now anywayzzzzz ;)...But there are others reasons as well. Such as, I don't always like feeling vulnerable and thus prefer to keep an emotional distance. I also do not want to give others the idea that they can do whatever they like with me, I have this fear of being controlled and this causes me to be unnecessarily defensive and unwilling to give and “serve” the other when appropriate. But When and If, I express love and interest, I also have the fear that I might receive the same response I need or I might not and I just don't feel like putting myself out there like that right now...I think I need one more year of living FLIRTATIOUSLY ;), UNLESS someone knocks me off my feet!!!! ;)