FWB??? Aaaah Duh? Of Course..

I received 3 emails in response to my post FWB (Friends with Benefits) So I feel led to elaborate.... If you canvas my works in my blog archives,you will discover a theme: I enjoy the physical form, and I have a healthy sex drive. I also live in Seattle, which has a notorious-yet-accurate reputation for wringing the romance right out of life. A great place to raise a family, but can be brutal on the love life..

I exist in a world where sex is easy, love is hard, and either way, I still crave sex. So yes, it's true: I have had sex minus the love, or the promise thereof. And here's the kicker: I was and can be absolutely fine with that. Not "fine" like passive-aggressively not-really-fine. Not "fine" like totally-defensive-about-it fine. Just totally okay with that situation. But not over the moon, but naturally, more like caught between the moon and New York City, as it were. I mean, who wouldn't prefer to be having mind-blowing sex regularly with their soul-mate? I'm a crazy hopeless lunatic romantic, I swear to you. I am, no exaggeration, always in some form of love –whether I'm coming out of it, going into it, somewhere in the middle of it-I AM A HOPELESS LUTATIC ROMANTIC!!! BUT I will swear under interrogation that that's not true, of course ;)... I will not tell you, for instance, whom I could currently claim to be in any stage of love with at this very moment, But I am. AND DON'T let me tell you otherwise ;). The point being that I loooove love. And despite reams of missteps in the name of romance, I'm willing to go at it again and again, quite like the trusty definition of insanity, about trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. However, often I'm busy. Other times I'm exhausted. Most of the time (lately), there simply aren't any soul-mates in the offing. (Which is to say that whomever I claim to love at the moment may have a girlfriend, just losing a girlfriend or lives in another state). So I find myself with a potential partner I like well enough, but do not and will not ever love. Maybe we had an instant connection over our love of education, books, or maybe they were just too freaking yummy to pass up. A real, live person is just better than any vibrator. I don't care what kind of technological advances are coming out of “Lovers”.

A few of my girlfriends gasp in wonder at my apparently superhuman ability to transcend the sex-love connection. "I just can't do it," one single one says. "I don't think I could handle that if I were still out there," the married one says. What I say is “I don't see any choice.” If we're going to do this putting-off-marriage thing, and we're going to focus on careers instead of spouses, and we're going to wait until we find the Big Love before settling down,,,,, well, how is it that we're not going to act like nut jobs in the meantime? How are we going to quell that desperate look in our eyes when we meet a prospect? And how are we going to stop ourselves from being blinded by lush lips and sexy hips and six packs? Girls,there's only one answer: We have to break the ironclad love-sex bond. It's simply the only way to survive all this without going mad...........

I have learned that what you get in the standard, responsible, very much warranted sex talk from Mom in adolescence, isn't necessarily true in modern adulthood. Sex isn't just something two people do to show they love each other very much. Sex is a biological drive, and you will lose your mind if you repress it for too long. We're all a little different on this score; some women can go much longer than others. But in a dating era when not looking crazy is half the battle, showing up to the party sexually satisfied goes a long way. Then you're not clinging to Mr./Mrs. Good Prospect because they can handle that for you; you're flirting with them because you see them for what they are, and you like it! Imagine how loony you'd act if you literally depended on some individual to satisfy another basic biological need, like eating???/!!! Yep, that's about how you look when you come at the right person with your libido on overdrive, freaking LOONY! This doesn't mean we should all go on sexual rampages, mind you. It's like eating and drinking: Listen to your body, and do it in moderation. You will know when you're satiated, and then you will stop. You won't go after anything that's blatantly bad for you. You will use your best judgment. (P.S. A good tip from a friend's ex-lover: If you're going to have recreational sex multiple times with the same person, "You can only cash in three times." After that, a little static cling is bound to develop, no matter how evolved you think you are.)

These days, I'm truly, honestly ready -- and hoping -- to meet the person who will bring it all back together for me. I want soul-mate sex, or at least potential-soul-mate sex. And in the meantime, I do have a vibrator -- and the reassurance that I live in a city full of eligible individuals :).. Just the “World” according to SoRare ;)