A SoRare Love Affair?

Love-what a word! It is a small word possessing only 4 letters, but it is loaded 2 the brim with every imaginable feeling. The Greeks have many words to describe the multifaceted concept of love. They divide the agape kind of love from the philia kind of love. The agape describes the Divine, while the philia describes the brotherly affection between siblings and shared among humans. They use the word eros-from which we get the word erotic-2 describe the intimate love between lovers and mates. Love....what an intimidating feeling to describe accurately. It is limiting at best to be left with words alone to describe the abstract feeling of the heart, but 2 have only one word to describe all the types and levels of feelings, a word than means different things 2 different people-well, we all often fail to describe th variety or the intensity of the intoxicating impact of the love feeling. I know one thing 4 sure, that Love is to life what a scent is to a rose. It is the spice of life and it adorns life as clouds decorate the skies. I have tasted the nectar of romance, and whether love is communicated through a soft touch or a moistened eye, it is the message that I need. The method is immaterial in comparison to the magnitude of the message itself! There is no drug that can compare with the intense, passionate feelings that are aflame when the heart is in love. It is love that causes the senses to heighten. It is love that causes the heart to pump honey to the soul and sedation to the mind. Without love, life tastes bland and success is empty. Why is it that when people have been 2gether for quite some time, they negate the word love to describe their connection 2 another? They use other words to describe their commitment. Words like, "relatinship!"

If love is given to the worthy, it is reciprocated and fruitful. If it is invested on the empty opportunist, it can create a pain that nauseates the soul and afflicts the mind. Love can make an AVERAGE person seem extraordinary. It has the capabilities to alter my perceptions and heighten my vulnerability! I am aware that there are many types of love. But the one I want 2 begin with, is the tantalizing alllurement of the impassioned heart that enables me to love others. For the greatest of human perceptions is when the heart can look into the mirror and smile at the image that is reflected therein. Love is the grace that enables me to wink at myself and appreciate my own gifts. It is a healthy mind that can celebrate itself. Then and only then can I determine whether I am loving others becuz they are lovable or becuz I am so famished for love that I will settle for anyone or anything that gives to me what I should give to myself.

I light candles, take a bath, play songs, and meditate on my own accomplishement. I learned a long time ago, that it is a poor hen that will not crow in her own nest! It is my quiet bath moments that allow me to explore how deeply I am committed to my own sense of healthy well-being and fortitude;) Sadly, sometimes I place myself so far on the back burner that the dreams boil out and leave only a parched pot where once I had personal expectations! When I watch my dreams boil out, it seems that a scortching heat of stress and anxiety causes my kettle to give a shrill sound before the burning begins. This shrill sound can be heard in my excesses and overindulgences, which camouflage the fact that I am frustrated with dreams that are denied and hopes that seem deferred! As I validate the worth of others, I must also take the time to fondly affirm my own sense of personhood and self-development.

I often find myself motivated and moved by the spirited synergy that comes from the passion of my experiences and the fine nectar of my moments shared. The real challenge that I have is to find a place of balance between martydom and narcissism:) I find myself not wanting 2 be a martyr for just my own cause! If I become a martyr for just my own cause, my milk of compassion in me as a woman, will harden in my breast and cause my heart to ache. There is nothing wrong with my milk. It is just invested into someone that is not worthy and there is nothing worse than giving the right thing to the wrong person! Most of us are single-birth babies who spent itme alone from the womb to the crib. We played in the crib alone. We learned the fundamental skills of entertaining ourselves. Alone is where we start and essentially it is where we end. For even if we die in a crowdded room, ultimately we die alone. We take no more with us then what we brought. We are at best, empty-handed travelers, whose hands will clutch many things between birth to death.

There has been times that, even when I honored myself, there are still some lovers who did not find that an attractive feature. I heared statements like, "she thinks she is soooo much", or that girl is a trip" The truth of the matter is, YOU have seen the product and do not have the price that the ticket sayz must be paid! One thing I have learned, and it is this, sometimes rejection is a blessing and not a curse. I have found myself lying beside someone that nolonger represented where I am, but represents where I wuz b4 and they nolonger fit where I am and how I see myself now. I found that I wuz tied 2 someone who fit my dysfunction but not my function! Tragically, we grew apart rather than 2gether, I am not looking 4 this in YOU!

In short, my melody must be established before the harmony can be written. I must first establish my own identity (especially as a single woman). I need to establish some solidarity financially, mentally and spiritually. Then, when and if I add the harmonious thrust of my lovely counterpart, they will be enriched by my contribution and me by theirs. Wholeness is the goal, ultimately. But wholeness cannot be reached if I am not divorced form my past and prepared for my future! I have just recently adopted the three P's. They are prayer, praise and pampering. I pray for strength because I know that God gives might to those that have none. I praise God for my survival becuz I know that it is by His mercy that I am still here. I pamper for solace. It is through pampering myself that I find renewal and comfort against the tragedies of life. I am learning (all over agian) to pray about the things that would normally worry me. I refuse to spend the evening worrying about things over which I have no control. Instead, I lather up and relax in the tub, it is my pampering time!

I am sooo emotional now dayz, and even though I know where this is really coming from, I wish I could blame it on PMS! But that came and went a week ago...To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven (Eccles 3:1) I think it is my time to purge!!!! I have been ignoring this process since September of 2009! Rather deal with it now, then later, it is MY season ;) Goodnight, I have two FULL WEAVES 2 do 2morrow:)

P.S. It is funny how people assume that they know all about you-but they only vaguely, at best, know your past, and they cetainly have no idea of what you think about in regards 2 your future. I contemplate and meditate more than I vocalize....and this is s8ing alot, for I am a little talker-really-I just do not really share the deeper things, becuz others usually do not understand my "PROCESS." ;)